How to Deal With Anger
How to Deal With Anger
- Greg Waybright
- Proverbs 29
- How to: Live
- 56 mins 2 secs
- Views: 1445
Study Notes
How to: Deal with Anger - Week 10 - Study Notes
How to: Deal with Anger
Proverbs 29:11, 25:28
Anyone who is slow to anger has great understanding,
But anyone who gets angry quickly shows how foolish he is (Proverbs 14:29).
Today we’ll be looking at what the Book of Proverbs says about one of the most impactful parts of our human temperament, i.e., anger. I find it to be one of the most difficult topics to prepare for in this entire series. Why? It’s because human anger is usually destructive. In my years as a pastor, I have met with countless people whose lives have been physically or emotionally devastated by anger. But – anger is not always destructive. In fact, the Old Testament alone speaks 490 times of God being angry about wickedness in the world. And the New Testament confirms it, especially in Romans 1:18, which tells us that the anger of God is focused against all that is evil in our world. And, when we read the many Proverbs about anger, we do not find any of them telling us never to be angry. Instead, the Bible tells us how to deal with anger – even how to utilize anger to further God’s kingdom.
So, when I speak about anger, I must warn you strongly about its destructive capability. At the same time, there are times you should be angry – as God is! What is challenging is that I know that many people who attend our church who are victims of a lot of sinful and destructive violence coming from angry people hurting them. So, I have prepared very prayerfully this week – and I want to speak very carefully because I don’t want anyone going away from church blowing up in destructive anger and excusing it by saying, “Pastor Greg said anger is sometimes good – so I’m justified in my anger.” With that in mind, let’s begin.
Anger: The Powerful Secondary Emotion
The Anger Research Consortium of the American Psychological Association tells us this: “Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to something else, especially to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, or to anything we deeply value, e.g., our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity.”
When you see that definition, you see that anger is a secondary emotion, i.e., an emotion caused by something else. It can be caused by fear, envy, loss, boredom, perceived and real injustice, or countless other things. Because of that, there are many times that we feel very angry and we aren’t even sure why. It’s not always to get behind the anger to identify the cause.
Let me give you an example: A man I know became aware that a single woman in his church had become obsessed with him. She set her heart on him and did all she could to develop a relationship with him. The obsession grew so much that she became uncontrollably angry with any woman who spoke with him. That anger became so entrenched in her that she attempted to do physical harm to those she perceived as threats. Do you see it? The anger was a secondary emotion. It was caused by her fear of the loss of something she felt she had to have. And, so it always is. Therefore, when I speak to you in this message about the biblical steps toward dealing with anger, you will have to remember that dealing with anger will always force you to step back to discern its primary causes.
How It Plays Out
I have discovered that people deal with their anger in different ways:
- Blow (the Exploder) – Anger turns many people into dynamite – exploding with abusive words and violent actions. Two verses in Proverbs 15 speak to this. 15:1b: “Harsh words (words that hit us like a weapon) stirs up anger.” And, 15:18 speaks not just of the words but also of the one who speaks them: “A hot-tempered person (one who is out of control) stirs up conflict.”
We all know the destructiveness of angry words and actions so let me point you to how counselors have learned over the years about how not to find help for that explosive anger. When I was a college and later a seminary student in the 70s, all the books I read in my counseling courses said that the say to get rid of anger is to “lance the boil” of the infection of anger in our inner beings. The view was that anger is a limited commodity inside the human made-up and that, if we get it all out in some harmless way (like punching a pillow), we will not be angry anymore. That simply is not true. As an article on the website of the APA confirms, “’Lancing the boil’ as a remedy for anger is a dangerous myth. Research is consistent in showing that letting anger rip on a pillow or piece of furniture actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help either those who are angry or those with whom they are angry…”
Anger fuels more anger. When you lash out with anger at anything, you only learn to lash out. You develop a way of life that explodes with anger and justifies it as healthy.
- Lay Low (the Simmerer) -- In Ephesians 4:26, the Apostle Paul quotes a wisdom Psalm, “Scripture says, ‘When you are angry, do not sin.’ (Psalm 4:4) Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Instead as Proverbs 15:18b tells us, “A person who is slow to anger calms things down.” Do you see it? What the Bible calls for is not to explode but this does not mean that we just let things sit and simmer inside. Those of you who know me will know that I’m much more inclined toward this response than toward the explosion. Many times, simmerers simply hope the problem will go away and run to diversions like watching TV or getting busy or even to drinking and medication. So, let me tell you this: Just letting anger simmer inside and go undealt with is not a better way to deal with anger. Anger is a terrible overnight guest. It settles deep and deep inside our psyche and eventually eats us up personally – and creates unknowable walls for those we are angry with. They’ll sense we are angry but not know why.
- Pretend No (the Denier) – This person finds it hard to face the fact that he/she is deeply angry and chooses instead to cover it up by making excuses. “That’s just the way I am so you have to accept it.” “I’m a truth-speaker.” When the seriousness of the anger is denied, neither the anger nor the cause of that anger goes away.
In contrast to these, Proverbs tells you to “Go Slow” – to be slow to anger -- when you are angry. And we are told that this is the course of action that actually has a positive impact in this world. 16:32 -- It is better to be slow to anger than to be mighty. It is better to control your temper than to takes a city.
The Bible’s call to us to be slow and deliberate when angry has to do with the power of anger and its potential to bring about harm or healing. Let’s think about why this is so.
The Power of Anger to Bring Harm or Healing
Let me speak directly and soberly to you now: One of the painful realities of every pastor’s and every therapist’s calling is how frequently we have to deal with the destructive force of anger. It happens in our homes – in our extended families – in our neighborhoods and at work. This is a deadly serious topic. What is so serious about it? Anger harms:
- Your personal health – 19:19b puts this is an open-ended and haunting way: A person with a bad temper will pay for it… Research is showing that angry people “pay” for their anger in physical, emotional and relational ways. For example, earlier this year, a major research project showed that those who are prone to anger are three times, yes three times, more likely to have fatal heart attacks. (See http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/features/rein-in-rage-anger-heart-disease.) And the same is true of strokes, high blood pressure and many other physical maladies. One way this physical harm anger leads to for many younger people is seen by the growing number who become angry with their lack of any control over life and whose anger comes out in them cutting themselves. My heart breaks when I hear their stories.
- Your human relationships – 6:34, 15:1 & 18, 29:22 and 30:33 all tell us the same thing: Misdirected anger destroys marriages, families, friendships and whole communities. I am quite sure all of us have experienced this -- most of us sometimes being the angry ones and at other times the ones attacked by someone else’s anger. You know that the Bible is speaking the truth.
- Your relationship to God – This is the main point of 14:16a -- A wise person has respect for the Lord and avoids evil. The other half of that verse tells us that the one who is a fool, i.e., conducting his life as if there is no God, feels secure in his relationship to God even when he is on the path of destruction. If you know you have a problem with anger and, at the same time, feel that it isn’t absolutely urgent that you change, you can be sure you are in trouble spiritually.
- Your impact on the world -- Anger does not end with the one who is angry. It harms everyone and everything – and it has a lasting and multiplying effect. Look at what is at the heart of 22:24-25:
Don’t be a friend of a person who has a bad temper. Don’t go around with a person who gets angry easily. You will soon embrace their habits. And then you too will be trapped by them.
It is frighteningly clear from this passage that misguided anger will be passed on to others: Yes, parents, to your children. Yes, teachers, to your students. Yes, pastors, to your parishioners. And yes, bosses, to your work force. Those you lead or care for will watch and pick up your ways.
But again, I must remind you that there are times that we should be angry.
To see children being abused or neglected and not to be angry about that not a good – but a weakness. To see those who are weak in any way be dealt with unjustly by those in power is something that should make us angry. God’s anger is focused on the evil that has come into his world – and so should ours. John Stott put it so well: “A cool analysis of injustice is necessary as long as it leads to hot anger and action.
I believe that the appropriate outworking of our anger can motivate us to action against evil and injustice and thus lead to healing in this world. When sin entered God’s creation, God both loved the world he made and was angry at the evil in his world. This combination led him to execute a plan that ultimately will end with al things being made right. How might the anger we feel actually lead to healing rather than harm?
Beginning Pastoral Counsel for Turning Anger from Harm to Healing
I must begin by saying this candidly. Dealing with anger when you have a pattern of becoming angry is not easy. You do not have the strength within yourself to break angry patterns. Anger has more in common with chemical addictions than any other emotion. Therefore, I imagine that some among us affected by anger may require the help of a professional godly counselor. We can help you find one if you will let us. But, with that in mind, let me offer some pastoral pulpit help:
#1: Begin with Worship -- as you always should.
By this, I mean that you bring God intentionally into the matter. Acknowledge his presence and his sufficiency for your own anger as well as for the situation you are in. Worship has to do with putting God in the center of your vision. Take time to remember how he deals with his anger about your sin: 1) he calls out the problem and calls it sin when it is, 2) he affirms his love for you and the others concerned, 3) he comes into your life and promises forgiveness, 4) he gives you His Holy Spirit to dwell within. Remember that it is while you were a sinner that Christ died for you. And, as I mentioned earlier, remember that his anger with the sin in this world (including our own lives) that led him to initiate a plan to rescue us.
#2: Be slow in your anger – but intentional.
This is the consistent message about anger in Proverbs – be slow and deliberate in dealing with your anger. Parents and elementary teachers are learning that one of the most helpful things for children when they get angry is to call for a time out. I’m quite sure that’s what the Bible is calling for not only for children but also for those who are older. In the New Testament, James picks this up with the pithy and powerful words in 1:19 – Listen carefully to this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger… Putting that together with the Bible’s command not to let the sun go down on our anger, we see that we should be slow to act when we’re angry – but not too slow. What should you do in this slow but deliberate handling of anger? Let me suggest a few steps:
- Take the time for worship and prayer I mentioned before. Learn from God so that you might allow his perspective on things permeate your mind and then direct your actions and words.
- Analyze what is behind your anger. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion. Something else is always behind it. Sometimes what leads us to anger is a rightful anger with the evil and injustice others are experiencing. Much more often, it’s less noble things:
- Envy -- Why was I not invited to the party – or offered the promotion?
- Disappointment – Why did she go out with him instead of me?
- Unfulfilled expectations – “But he promised he would call.”
- Bitterness – When we were in high school, he did this to me…”
I could go on and on about anger’s causes. But, you simply must stop long enough to nail down what is that cause might be. St. Augustine says it’s almost always “disordered loves” or that Tim Keller calls inordinate affections” that lead to anger. In other words, we take something we want and set our hearts on it. It virtually takes the place of God. Then when that thing (that has become an idol in our lives) is threatened, we become angry. When our loves get disordered and we put them into a wrong place in our desires, our anger goes haywire. In haste, we might lash out against a person when really something very different is behind the anger.
Go slow because, in haste, you might lash out against a person when really something very different is behind the anger. Take time to think all this through. Be slow before acting on your anger.
#3: Make plans for how to act and speak in your anger – in ways that will honor God. Do you remember my sermon on seeking guidance and making plans? God has given us minds to bake plans and he commands us to make plans not for evil but for good. Be ready to forgive. Love to show mercy as much as you love justice. Thank and pray about the words you will speak the next time you feel anger coming on.
#4: Stop the offender’s evil through intentionally blessing him. Although the Bible calls us to be slow to anger, it also calls us to step in when what is causing the anger is evil or injustice. But how? I will now take you to some the verses most often used by Dr. Martin Luther King in the commitment to the nonviolence of Jesus being the best way to stop evil. They are found in Proverbs 25:21-22 (and Romans too): If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat. If he is thirsty, give him water to drink. By doing these things, you will pile up burning coals on his head. And the Lord will reward you.
In ancient cities, enemies attacked a fortified city by climbing up the city walls bearing their weapons. Like most angry words and actions, they were planning to do harm. The Bible is saying here that you should not simply let those who mean harm do their evil deeds. Instead, the people of the city usually tried to stop the enemy by pouring hot coals down over the walls and onto their heads. The Bible is saying something here that Jesus demonstrated – but that most in our world find hard to believe, i.e., the best way to stop evil – even evil caused by anger – is to do things that bring blessing to your enemies. Screaming back at them doesn’t change anything. Hitting back only escalates the problem. And I believe that nations and governments must sometimes provide security for people through military strength. But a Christians’ most powerful weapon against any kind of evil is offering to our enemies the mercy that we receive from Jesus.
When evil was thrown at Jesus, he did not offer back hate but forgiveness. He absorbed the blows thrown at him and did not respond with angry words or threats of violence but with the offer of a new life, of eternal life, through faith in him. The Apostle Peter, years later, was still in awe of what Jesus did in 1 Peter 2:21-24: “Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin… but when people hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live… By his wounds, we are healed.”
That’s how Jesus dealt with his anger about sin – and about our sins. So, do not ever let anger lead you to repay evil for evil. That is not the way of Jesus. When you are angry, do not sin. Instead, be slow to anger.
Anyone who is slow to anger has great understanding,
But anyone who gets angry quickly shows how foolish he is.
Proverbs 14:29
To His glory,
Dr. Greg Waybright
Senior Pastor
Greg Waybright • Copyright 2015, Lake Avenue Church
Chinese Translation
How to: Deal with Anger – Week 10 – Study Notes – Chinese Translation
如何處理忿怒情緒
不輕易發怒的,大有聰明。性情暴躁的,大顯愚妄。
箴言14:29
今天,我們要看一看箴言書中是怎樣講忿怒的,這是人類最有影響力的一個性情。我覺得這個主題是這一系列講道中最難準備的一篇。為什麽呢?因為人類的忿怒通常是最具有毀壞性的。在我做牧師的這些年中,我遇到過數不清的人,他們的忿怒或在健康上、或在情緒上破壞了他們的生活。然而,忿怒並不總是有毀壞性。其實,在舊約聖經中有490次之多提到神對世間邪惡的忿怒。新約也確認了這一點,尤其羅馬書1:18告訴我們,神的忿怒,顯明在世上一切邪惡的人身上。當我們讀到箴言書很多關於忿怒的經文時,我們從來沒看到過任何經文說讓我們不要生氣。相反的,聖經告訴我們如何處理忿怒,甚至如何利用忿怒來擴張神的國度。
當我講到忿怒的時候,我必須要提醒大家它的毀壞性力量,然而同時,有些時候你應當生氣,就像神那樣!具有挑戰性的是,我知道很多來教會的人,都曾經是情緒失控者罪惡和暴力的犧牲品。因此,這周我在準備講道的時候,是帶著禱告的心,希望自己講話要很小心,因為我不想要任何人走出教會以後,在他們亂發脾氣的時候,會為這種行為找理由,說:“Greg 牧師說了,生氣是好事,所以我生氣是有道理的。”有了這個前提,我們才可以繼續講下去。
忿怒:強大的次等情緒
美國心理學協會的情緒管理研究社告訴我們:“忿怒是一種正常的情緒,它有著多重的強度,從較為平和的煩惱與挫折感直到盛怒。它是對其他事物的一種反應,尤其是對一些有著潛在威脅性的因素所產生的反應,比如一些威脅到我們自己、我們的親人,或是我們所愛的事物,包括我們的財產,自我形象,或者我們身份的某一部分等因素。”
看到這個定義,再看看箴言中談到忿怒的經文,你就會發現,忿怒其實是一種次等情緒,也就是說,它是由其他事情所引起的情緒。它可以由恐懼、嫉妒、失喪、無聊、受到不公待遇和其他很多事情而引起。因此,許多時候我們感到非常生氣,但是卻並不知是何原因,因為我們常常都不會去分析忿怒背後的原因。
我給你們舉一個例子:我認識一個弟兄,他發現,在教會裏有一個單身女士愛上了他,她盡其所能來與他建立關系。這種迷戀發展到一個程度,以至於一旦任何女人和他說話,她就會變得不可抑制的忿怒。這種忿怒使她變得帶有侵犯性,當她感覺到誰對她有威脅的時候,她甚至會對那人有暴力傾向。你看到了嗎?忿怒是一種次等情緒,是由她害怕失去她所愛的人引起的。事情常常都是這樣。因此,在今天的信息中,當我說到聖經中如何處理忿怒的步驟時,你要記住,在處理忿怒的時候,你往往會被迫退後一步,檢測它最初的原因。
忿怒的表現形式
我發現,人們處理忿怒有幾種不同的方法:
1. 爆發型 – 忿怒把許多人變成炸彈 – 爆炸的同時帶著辱罵的話語和暴力的行為。箴言第十五章有兩節經文談到這件事,15:1說:“言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。”15:18不僅說到言語,而且說到說話的人: “暴怒的人,挑啟爭端”。
我們都知道忿怒言語和行為的破壞性,所以讓我告訴你,很多心理咨詢師花多年的時間才學會,對這種暴怒不要去提供幫助。在七十年代,我還在讀大學,後來又繼續讀神學院,當時我所讀的所有關於心理咨詢的書上都說,要擺脫忿怒,就等於切開我們內在生命中被忿怒所感染了的毒瘤。這種觀點認為,忿怒是人類內在的一種有限的商品,如果我們以某種不帶傷害性的方式將它發泄出去(比如打枕頭),我們就不會忿怒了。然而這是錯誤的。在美國心理學聯盟的網站上有一篇文章說,用“‘切開毒瘤’的方法來治療忿怒是一個危險的迷思。各項研究不斷表明,讓忿怒發泄在枕頭或家具上,實際上會使忿怒升級,對於發怒的人或他們發怒的對象毫無幫助…”
忿怒只會激活更多的忿怒。當你以忿怒對待任何事情的時候,你所學到的只有發泄,你會形成一種發泄忿怒的生活方式,然而你卻還以為這是正確的。
2. 低調處理 (隱忍不發者) – 在以弗所書4:26中,使徒保羅引用了詩篇的經節: “生氣卻不要犯罪(詩篇4:4),不可含怒到日落。”而箴言15:18節說:“忍怒的人,止息紛爭。”你看到了嗎?聖經要讓我們做的不是爆發,這並不是說,我們應當坐視不管,隱忍不發。認識我的人都知道,和這種反應比起來,我更傾向於爆發出來。很多時候,隱忍不發的人希望問題會自行解決,於是轉而看電視或忙於其他事,甚至飲酒用藥。讓我告訴你,將忿怒忍於內心而不去處理,並不是處理忿怒的好方法。忿怒是一個可怕的隔夜客人。它沈澱在我們的心底,最終會將我們整個吞噬,並且對我們生氣的對象產生莫名的隔閡。他們會感到我們的忿怒,然而卻不知道是何原因。
3.假裝不知(否定者)-- 這個人發覺一個事實,那就是自己很難面對他/她深感忿怒的人,因此就選擇用借口來掩蓋事實。“我就是這個樣子,所以你必須接受。” 或者“我說的是實話。” 一旦忿怒的嚴肅性被否定,忿怒和忿怒的原因就都歸於無有了。
與此相比,箴言告訴我們,要慢慢地動怒。14:29:“不輕易發怒的,大有聰明,性情暴躁的,大顯愚妄。” 這節經文告訴我們,這種行為的過程其實對這個世界有著正面的影響。16:32:”不輕易發怒的,勝過勇士,治服己心的,強如取城。
聖經呼召我們在忿怒時要主動慢慢地動怒,這個呼召與忿怒的力量和它帶來傷害或醫治的潛力是有關聯的。讓我們看看為什麽會如此。
帶來傷害或醫治的能力
現在,請允許我直接而冷靜地告訴你:每一個牧師和治療師工作的一個痛苦事實,就是我們處理忿怒所帶來的毀壞性力量的頻率非常高。這發生在我們的家庭中,家庭外圍的關系中,鄰舍之間和工作關系之中。這是一個異常嚴重的問題。為什麽嚴重?因為忿怒帶有傷害性:
• 對你個人健康的傷害 – 19:9以一種開放式和近乎咒詛的方式來表達了這個意思:暴怒的人,必受刑罰……研究表明,愛生氣的人會在身體上、情緒上和人際關系上為他們的忿怒付出代價。比如,今年早些時候,一個重要的研究項目表明,那些容易發怒的人患致命心臟病的幾率是其他人的三倍,是的,三倍。(請看網站http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/features/rein-in-rage-anger-heart-disease.) 中風、高血壓和許多其他疾病也都是如此。這種傷害身體的忿怒對許多年輕人的影響,可以從近年來不斷上升一些統計數字看出,他們因著對生命缺乏自控而失去生命。每當我聽到他們的故事的時候,都會覺得心碎。
• 對你人際關系的傷害 ---- 6:34; 15:1, 18,;29:22 和30:33中都講到同樣的事情:錯誤導向的忿怒會毀掉婚姻,家庭,友誼,甚至整個社區。我想,我們所有人都曾有過這樣的經歷,我們大多數人都做過忿怒的人,也做過被其他忿怒的人所攻擊的人。你知道聖經所說的是真實的。
• 對你與神的關系的傷害 ---- 這是14:16的主要內容:智慧人敬畏神,就遠離惡事。這節經文的另一半在講愚妄人,也就是行事為人好像沒有神一樣的人,他們行在毀滅的路途上,竟然還會以為自己能確保和神的關系。如果你知道自己有情緒失控的問題,然而同時,你又不認為你絕對需要急迫地改變自己,那麽可以肯定,你的靈性出了問題。
• 傷害你對世界的影響 ---- 忿怒並不會止於忿怒的人。它會對每個人、每件事都造成傷害,它有著持久加倍的效果。請看22:24-25所講的重點:好生氣的人,不可與他結交。暴怒的人,不可與他來往。恐怕你效法他的行為,自己就陷在網羅裏。
這節經文的信息再清楚不過了,錯誤導向的忿怒會波及到其他人,是的,父母親們,會波及到你們的孩子;是的,老師,會波及到你們的學生;是的,牧師,會波及到你們的會友們;是的,老板,會波及到你們的雇員們。那些你所帶領或照顧的人,會看到你的行為,並且效法你的方式。
然而,我要再一次提醒你,也有些時候我們應當生氣。你聽過亞裏士多德的這句人們常常引用的話嗎?“對應當氣憤的事情不生氣的人是愚妄人;以錯誤的方式、在錯誤的時間、為錯誤的目的、對錯誤的人生氣的人也是如此。
看到孩童被虐待或被忽略而不生氣,並不是好事,而是軟弱。當我們看到軟弱的人被當權者欺侮時,我們應當生氣。神的怒氣專註於世上的邪惡之事,我們也當如此。
我相信,如果我們的怒氣以正確的方式發泄,就可以激勵我們對抗邪惡和不公,以至於可以為這個世界帶來醫治。當罪進入神的創造時,神既愛這個祂所創造的世界,又氣憤於世上的邪惡。這個組合使祂實施了一個計劃,而最終使一切都歸於正確。我們所感覺到的怒氣怎樣才能帶來醫治,而不是傷害?
在教牧輔導初期,如何將怒氣的傷害性變為醫治
我必須要坦率地說,如果你一貫有忿怒的表達模式,那麽處理忿怒的情緒不會是件容易的事。你靠著自己的力量無法打破忿怒的模式。忿怒比其他所有的情緒都更上癮。因此,我想,我們中間的一些被忿怒影響的人,可能需要專業屬神的咨詢師幫忙。如果你需要,我們可以幫助你尋找一位。我在講臺上願意給大家一些教牧上的幫助:
第一: 凡事都應當始於敬拜
我的意思是,你要主動將神帶入問題之中,確認祂的同在,並且知道,祂掌管你的忿怒和你所遭遇的狀況。敬拜就使你將神放在你眼光的中心。花一些時間想一想,祂如何以怒氣對付你的罪:1)當你犯罪的時候,祂找出問題並定之為罪;2)祂確認祂對你和你所關心的人的愛;3)祂進入你的生活,並且承諾祂的赦免;4) 祂將聖靈安放在你的內心。記住,當你還是罪人的時候,基督就為你而受死了。正如我前面所說的,請你記住,因著祂對這個世界的罪(包括我們的生命)的忿怒,祂制定了一個救贖的計劃。
第二:要故意慢慢地動怒
在箴言書中,對於經過思考再慢慢動怒的主題有一系列的信息。父母和小學老師們知道,當小孩子生氣的時候,一件最能幫助他們的事情,就是讓他們暫停反省。聖經不單單讓小孩子這樣做,也讓年長的人如此行。在新約中,雅各在1:19簡練而有力地表達了同樣的意思:你們各人要快快地聽,慢慢地說,慢慢地動怒……再加上聖經裏說的,不可含怒到日落,我們可以看到,當我們生氣的時候,我們應當慢慢地動怒,但並不是太慢。在故意減緩忿怒的過程中,你應當做什麽?我建議你采取下面幾個步驟:
• 我前面已經說過,要花一些時間敬拜和禱告。從神學習,從而使祂對事情的觀點看法能夠滲透到你的頭腦中,引導你的行為和言語。
• 分析你的忿怒背後的因素。記住,忿怒是次等情緒,其背後總是會有原因的。有的時候,導致我們忿怒的事情是正義的忿怒,是因著其他人所經歷的邪惡不公的事情而引起的,但是更多的時候,卻不因為類似高尚的事情:
o 嫉妒 ---- 為什麽我沒有接到聚會邀請、或是得到提升?
o 失望 ---- 為什麽她約他出去,而沒約我?
o 未果的承諾 ---- “但是他說好了打電話的。”
o 苦澀 ---- “我們在高中的時候,他曾經這樣對我的……”
我還可以列舉很多忿怒的原因。但是,你必須要停下來,弄清楚你自己的原因。忿
怒的大部分原因,都是聖奧古斯丁所說的“錯誤的愛”、或是提姆·凱樂所說的“過度的親情”。換句話說,我們想要一個東西,就定意要得到,而實際上我們卻是代替了神的位置。然後,當那件事情(可能已經成為我們生活中的偶像)受到威脅的時候,我們就生氣了。當我們的愛不恰當、或是位置放錯的時候,我們的怒氣就被觸動了。在匆忙之間,盡管我們的忿怒另有原因,我們也會去攻擊眼前的人。建議你花點時間思考這個問題。在你發怒之前,要慢下來。
第三:要對你生氣時候的言行有所規劃,以至你能榮耀神。你還記得我有一篇講道是關於尋求引導和制定計劃的嗎?神賜給我們頭腦,使我們能制定計劃,並且命令我們不要圖謀惡事,只要計劃行善。要準備好原諒別人,要像愛慕公義那樣地愛慕仁慈。為了你下次生氣的時候將要講的話語感恩和禱告。
第四:藉著祝福而阻止冒犯者的惡行。雖然聖經呼召我們要慢慢地動怒,然而卻也鼓勵我們介入由惡行或不公而引起的忿怒之中。但是我們要怎樣做呢?我現在要和大家看看馬丁·路德·金博士在效法耶穌的非暴力阻止邪惡的承諾中常常使用的一些經文。箴言25:21-22(也在羅馬書):“你的仇敵,若餓了就給他飯吃。若渴了就給他水喝。因為你這樣行,就是把炭火堆在他的頭上。耶和華也必賞賜你。”
在古代的城裏,敵人攻擊一座堅固城池的時候,通常都是帶著武器爬上城墻。正如很多忿怒之中的言語和行為一樣,他們計劃行毀壞的事。聖經在這裏說,你不應當允許那些有害的人行邪惡的事。城池裏的人們為要阻止敵人,通常將熱碳自上而下倒在他們頭上。聖經在這裏所說的就是耶穌所表明的,在世人來看卻難以置信,比如,阻止邪惡最好的辦法,是要祝福你的仇敵,哪怕你所要阻止的,是因忿怒而產生的邪惡。以忿怒還擊不能改變任何事。以牙還牙只會使問題升級。我相信,國家和政府有時候必須要通過軍事力量為人民提供保障,然而一個基督徒對付任何邪惡力量最有力的武器,就是將我們從耶穌那裏得到的仁慈賜給我們的仇敵。
當耶穌面對邪惡的時候,祂並沒有以仇恨還擊,反而赦免了他們。祂承受了所有的打擊,卻不以忿怒的言語或暴力的威脅還擊他們。祂使世人藉著信靠祂,賜下新的、永恒的生命。多年後,使徒彼得在彼得前書2:21– 24中仍然表達著他對耶穌一切所行的敬畏之情: “基督也為你們受過苦,給你們留下榜樣,叫你們跟隨祂的腳蹤行。祂並沒有犯罪……祂被罵不還口,受害不說威嚇的話。只將自己交托那按公義審判人的主。祂被掛在木頭上,親身擔當我們的罪,使我們既然在罪上死,就得以在義上活。因祂受的鞭傷,你們便得了醫治”。
這就是耶穌處理祂面對世人的罪所生忿怒的方法。所以,不要任由忿怒帶著你以惡報惡。這不是耶穌的道路。當你忿怒的時候,不要犯罪,要慢慢地動怒。
不輕易發怒的,大有聰明。性情暴躁的,大顯愚妄。箴言14:29
榮耀歸給神
Greg Waybright 博士
主任牧師
祂的荣耀,
格雷格Waybright博士
主任牧師
Greg Waybright • Copyright 2015, Lake Avenue Church