title="English
He Changes our Families
Mark 10:1-16
Let me tell you something about you and me: God made us to have deep, growing, and lasting relationships. God made us in his image and, according to the Bible, God has always existed as one God who is three persons. When we first meet two people in Genesis 2, we meet people whose relationships are close and open – with God, within themselves, and with one another. But, when people chose selfishness and disobeyed God, the result was that all relationships began to suffer.
But Jesus came to restore us to God and to one another. God did not mean for us to be divided and broken. One of the things that should happen when we begin to follow Jesus, is that we should begin to find broken relationships restored. And when God is done with his work in us, all our relationships will be healed. This is the beautiful teaching that undergirds our passage today in Mark 10:1-16.
One relationship that was really troubled in Jesus’ day (and in ours) was marriage. According to Genesis 2, God created marriage for our benefit. God made it so we can experience life together with another person. In a marriage, we are two people who become one – one in almost countless ways: physically through the sexual bond, emotionally, financially, spiritually... Human beings long for this kind of close relationship in this world – whether we are Christians or not. I have never been to a wedding in which the couple stood in front of the pastor with the attitude, “I hope this never works out!” No, they are longing to have a person they can share life with. Still, when Jesus taught about marriage, his own disciples were shocked. They said to him, “If what you say is true, it’s better not to marry at all (Mt 19:10)!” I think most people are still as shocked about Jesus’ teaching as the disciples were back then. So, today we will do what we often do at LAC, i.e., we will read Jesus’ words about marriage and divorce and ask, “Do we trust that Jesus’ ways are better than our own?”
This is not an easy topic to talk about in a public setting and with as little time as we have in a service like this. Let me say upfront: Please don’t be disappointed that I won’t (and can’t) deal with every “what if” question you may have about marriage and divorce. And, I’m aware that there is so much pain and emotion attached to the subject of marriage and divorce that some say a pastor should just deal with it in small group or seminar settings when we there is an opportunity for questions and answers. And many issues related to divorce surely are better dealt with in more private settings. But, I think we need to hear from the pulpit about how God regarded marriage. Jesus talked about it and I will not avoid it either. I’m going to look as briefly as possible at what Jesus said on one day when he was questioned about marriage -- and then I’ll make a few pastoral affirmations for our day:
#1: The Test (10:2)
In our day, divorce is a judgment of a law court that legally dissolves a marriage. In Jesus’ day, divorce was an independent action taken by a husband to get rid of his wife. Divorce was very common among the Jewish people. It was even more common among the Greeks and Romans. Make note of several things:
First, the words we read from the lips of Jesus here are not spoken to a woman who has just been abandoned by a husband leaving her with nothing but an answer to hostile questioners. Jesus was in Judea in Mk 10 – where Jerusalem lay -- and was getting very close to the time of his crucifixion. The Pharisees in the episode were trying to trap Jesus. So, Jesus is not directly addressing the questions we usually have about troubled marriages. He’s responding to a sinister personal attack. The fact is that Jesus was being put under fire by a group of people trying to press him into a corner. I wonder: What would Jesus have said to a woman who come up to him after being given a certificate of divorce and run out of her home? It would have been a very different discussion, I’m sure.
Second, the point that brings up the test that in Deut. 24:1-4, Moses wrote about how, in a troubled marriage, a man could to give his wife a certificate of divorce when there was “a matter of indecency.” But, for centuries, there had been enormous debate about what “a matter of indecency” included. Listen to the Jewish Mishnah, the commentary that put together the long teachings of the Jewish rabbis related to the books of Moses: The teaching of Shammai says, “A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found her to be sexually unfaithful… The teaching of Hillel says he may divorce her even if she spoiled a meal for him… and Rabbi Akiba says he may divorce her even if he finds another fairer than she… So, all agreed that sexual unfaithfulness broke the marriage bond and allowed for divorce and remarriage. But the majority of teachers seemed to think a man could divorce his wife for almost any reason.
So, there were two ways of applying Moses’ teaching in Jesus’ day, i.e., 1) those who thought that the only thing that could break a marriage bond was sexual infidelity and 2) those who thought it could be broken by virtually anything the man found to be displeasing about his wife. And these two views parallel what I usually deal with as a pastor in our day. Some, usually those who come from more shame-based cultures, say that a man and woman should stay in a marriage no matter what has happened. There can be physical and emotional abuse. The relationship can be marked by intimidation, disrespect, and dishonesty and still, for them, the rule is the important thing. The sense of shame this can create in a person often keeps people from being able even to discuss the marriage struggles. And, as we will see, Jesus says this is not what God created a marriage to be.
But, more people in our Western world echo the more permissive view, i.e., that people feel strongly that God has made people to do what makes people happy. Therefore, people think, “If I’m unhappy, surely God doesn’t want me to stay in this relationship!” So, many taught in Jesus’ day, that if a woman burned the man’s toast or was no longer as attractive as someone else, the man could put her away. This permissive group was asking the question that every man seems to have asked since sin entered the world, i.e., “How much can I get by with? How far is too far? God doesn’t want me to be unhappy, does he?” And, Jesus will teach that this selfish perspective that makes people leave marriages is not what marriage was made for either. When we ask those kinds of questions, we haven’t really made a commitment to the other person.
So, this test from the Pharisees was meant to put Jesus in a very difficult situation. If he held to the more restrictive view, then they would say that it would lead to people being bound in a marriage filled with disrespect and dissatisfaction. But, if Jesus took the more permissive view, the conservatives would accuse him of liberalism. I should add also that taking a firm position on this question had resulted in John the Baptist being beheaded in Mark 6. So, at worst, the Pharisees hoped that what had happened to John might happen to Jesus. At best, they want his decision to lead to a division among the many hearers.
Bottom line: This was a “test” the Pharisees thought Jesus could not pass. Either he would get into hot water by taking a conservative view pointing out that divorces like Herod’s were illegitimate. Or, would he agree that a man could put a woman away for any reason whatsoever and run into the backlash of the “conservatives”. I can imagine this sort of thing happening in our day too.
#2: The Teaching (10:3-9)
The Pharisee’s question in v. 2 was only about what was lawful. They wanted to know what God would let people get by with legally. But, Jesus doesn’t want us to think about marriage relationships in terms of what we can get out of legally. He wants our relationships to be what God created them to be. Good relationships enable us to appreciate life. Good marriage relationships can reflect the unity of God and the faithfulness of God to our world. A good relationship contributes so much to our own growth and development. So, Jesus does what I hope to do today, i.e., he takes us back to the beautiful reason God gave us marriage in the first place. The questioners only wanted to know how they could get them out of a marriage legally. But Jesus refused to talk about marriage in terms of a set of rules. He wouldn’t say that divorce is acceptable if a certain list of things occurs. Instead, he talked about why God created a marriage in his world. Jesus’ teaching takes them and us to God’s intent in a marriage. Read vv. 6-9.
What does God intend for a marriage to be?
- Union of two who become one that reflects the unity of God who is three and one. Ephesians 5 points out that two things reflect to our broken world something of the unity and faithfulness of God: 1) a unified and lasting local church made up of people as diverse as Jew and Gentile, and 2) the marriage of a man and woman living in a lasting relationship.
- Gift for doing life together. God makes the two to become one – not the laws. God created the male and female. God joins together. And, as our marriage vows state, “What God has joined together let no one and nothing put asunder.” That union is not simply a legal union. It is multi-faceted – emotional, sexual, financial, familial. When it begins to grow, it is so beautiful. Do you know the passage in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12? Two are better than one... For if they fall, one will lift up the other. But woe to the one who is alone when he falls and has no one to lift him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.
- Central place for people to bring people to Jesus – You’ll see that the text immediately flows into a discussion about children coming to Jesus in vv. 13-16. When we have God at the center of our marriage relationship and treat one another as Jesus treats us, our children will see it and they will be drawn to the Jesus who brought us together and holds us together. This is so clear in many places in the Bible, especially Malachi 2:15: What does God seek in a faithful marriage? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
So, if marriage is so beautiful and so much a part of God’s plan for his world. Why do we have that Dt 24 passage that talks about a certificate of divorce? In the way I read it, Jesus taught that God “suffers” (permits) some things in this world to keep worse things from happening. In the biblical world, if a woman simply was cast out of her home, she would have had only three options: begging, prostitution, or suicide. Singleness was not an option in most of the ancient world and there were no financial support systems outside the family. The Africa Bible Commentary points out that in many tribal communities, this still is the case. God loves people though he hates the breaks in a relationship that leads to divorce. If people are so selfish and hard-hearted that we are unfaithful or cruel to those we know, we must also know that God will find a way to care for those affected by people’s sin. In this situation, it was a certificate of divorce.
A certificate of divorce always allowed for remarriage in biblical times. The basic wording in the certificate included: “Now this woman is permitted to any man.” A woman who was kicked out of her marriage home needed this certificate in Jesus’ day. This is the ground for Jesus saying in vv. 10-12 that giving a certificate of divorce when the physical part of the marriage relationship had not been broken by sexual unfaithfulness forced a woman to enter into adultery. However, because God understood human sin and that many people would not fulfill their marriage commitments, he had permitted a certificate in Dt 24. God still deals with us like this in countless ways as we live lives that fall short of his glory in many areas of life. But, when we follow Jesus, we should seek to live in ways that honor him. And that means that we are to be committed to having our marriages relationships reflect his unity and his faithfulness.
Let me add this wonderful statement from Tim Keller: When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.
#3: Some Pastoral Affirmations – What do I want us to take home today?
1. I want us all to do all we can to have our Christian marriages grow and flourish.
God says marriage is for our good. Jesus says he wants our marriage to grow closer to the oneness that makes his glory known. So, as a first step – out of obedience to Christ -- recommit to your marriage if you are in one. Renew your vows. As far as it depends on you, recommit to building a faithful and love-filled marriage. How? I think it starts with dedicating yourself to becoming an “adjusting person”. The key verses for this kind of relationship are Philippians 2:3-4 -- Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
A relationship that is genuine and honest will always shape our lives. This is a principle that undergirds much of the Bible’s teaching about all of our relationships. If we enter into a friendship and expect the other person to do all the adjusting, we will find the relationship is, at best, shallow and, at worst, destructive.
The good news of God’s gospel is that God has chosen to enter into a relationship with people like us. However, in order for that to happen, Jesus, who was and is in very nature God made adjustments for us. Jesus “did not consider equality with God something he had to hold onto for his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant… and became obedient to death (Phil. 2:5-8).” On our side, when we enter into a relationship with Jesus, we place our faith in him and allow him to shape our lives. Jesus, the one through whom the world was made, enters into our lives and changes our lives.
With that in mind, today, we see the Bible teaches us that God uses human relationships to help transform our lives. The relationship Jesus talks about in this text is the one meant to be the most lasting, most intimate and most life-changing of all human relationships, i.e., marriage. Any marriage that is lasting and growing always involves two people making ongoing adjustments to one another. And it demands – mutual submission. We need to consciously allow our lives to be shape our lives to fit with our spouse’s life.
For example, I like sports. Chris likes Downton Abbey. Sometimes, I watch a football game while she watches Downton Abbey. But, sometimes, she sits down and watches a football game with me. And, at least, I’ve learned who Matthew and Mary (popular character on Downton Abbey) are. If Chris and I don’t do some reshaping of our lives to fit with one another, we will always be sitting in opposite rooms watcvhing separate TVs. And that will be just a visual portrayal of a larger issue.
So I want you to develop some interests together. Go to a seminar together once in a while. Eat meals together. Talk about the sermon together And, when you sense you are moving apart, deal with the situation quickly.
2. I want us to tell a new generation of the goodness, beauty and lasting significance of marriage.
Many younger church people have never heard that God intends marriages to last and to be beautiful – and that divorce rips apart what God intends to stay together. Chris and I’ve been married 37 years and I’m ready to go another 37! Chris would sometimes come to visit me at the university I presided over and we would grab lunch together in a nearby restaurant. We met a young couple of servers who had recently gotten married. One day they came over to our table when all the other customers were gone and sat down to talk. They said, “Both our parents are divorced and both divorces were ugly. In fact, we have no marriage on either side of our extended families that have stayed together. But, deep inside, we think a lasting marriage is good. We’ve just never seen one. We see it in you. We want what you have.” Now, let me tell you that Chris and I still need to grow. But, I want us to let our lives and words declare to a broken world that, with the help of Jesus, a marriage can last – and that it is beautiful.
We must do what Jesus did and pull the discussion of marriage out of the mundane issue of political definition and personal rights and into the question of our loving God’s intent for the world he loves. Founded on your commitment to Christ, marriage has the power to help set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won't matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength.
3. I want our church to be a place of grace and healing for the broken – including marriages.
We must agonize over a world filled with broken relationships and offer the healing of God within the church family. Many of the questions people have about marriage and divorce are very personal and cannot be dealt with in a sermon before hundreds of people. I’m sure you have many, many question after this sermon. But, though I cannot deal with each situation in a sermon, we can do so in smaller groups. You need to find a smaller group of people who are committed to God’s grace and to his Word. In those places, we must talk about and pray about the struggles we have. None of us has the power to undo what has happened in the past. But, God knows that and makes provision for us. When we have fallen short of what God intended our relationships to be, we must seek together with our church family for what the best next steps should be. Two things distinguished the church from the world in the first centuries of the church: 1) the commitment to building lasting marriages in a divorce filled world and 2) care for the poor. As Roy Clements has said, The early church was strikingly different from the culture around it in this way - the pagan society was stingy with its money and promiscuous with its body. A pagan gave nobody their money and practically gave everybody their body. And the Christians came along and gave practically nobody their body and they gave practically everybody their money.
So, with Jesus’ teaching in our hands, prayer in our hearts, and the counsel of grace-filled people in our ears, we can experience that God forgives, restores, and guides us until all relationships are made right. And that brings us to communion…
[Sal, a former party girl who is in her late 30's at a bar having pre-wedding drinks with Cam and Mitchell, a gay couple who are serving as her best men. In a previous scene she kissed the bartender.]
Mitchell:
Yes, yes. Kissing the bartender was a little inappropriate. But let's not over-react. It's perfectly normal to have a panic attack before making a big life decision.
Sal:
What if it's the wrong decision? What if Tony's not the guy? What if he's the guy or him? He's cute, when did he come in?
Cam:
Okay, You need to focus Sal! You are about to make a sacred, life-long commitment.
Sal:
You’re not making this any better.
[Phone rings; Sal looks at it but doesn't answer.]
Sal:
Oh God, it's Tony! I'm supposed to pick him up and drive him to the wedding. Everybody shut up for a second! Okay, you know what? I'm going to marry him. What's the worst that can happen? I get a divorce? People do it all the time.
Jeremy’s note: What I like about the multi-color upward spiral is that it is a relational journey that is at times forward, at times backwards, at times upwards, at times downwards, but as followers of Christ, in relationship with the Triune God, it is ever-moving toward the completed work God promises he is doing in our lives through Christ. And God promises that he is with us at every turn.
To His glory,
Dr. Greg Waybright
Senior Pastor
Chinese
耶穌基督:生命的改變者—祂改變我們的婚姻
馬可福音10:1-6
我今天要講一些關乎你我的事情:神讓我們有一個深入的、成長且持久的關係。神按著祂的形象造我們,根據聖經,神一直以三個位格存在。當我們在創世記第3章裡首次遇到兩個人的時候,無論是男人與神之間,女人與神之間,還是男人、女人、神之間,或是男人與女人之間,他們的關係都是緊密而開放的。但是,當人選擇自我而悖逆神時,結果就是所有的關係都受損害。
但是耶穌來修復人與神、人與人之間的關係。神並不想讓我們分離和破碎。當我們跟隨耶穌時,有一件事應該發生,就是我們應該發現破碎的關係被修復了。當神完成了祂在我們裡面的工作,我們所有的關係都將得到修復。這是很美好的教導,它可以為我們今天學習馬可福音10:1-16節提供基础。
有一種關係在耶穌時代(也包括在現在)是非常困恼人的,就是婚姻。根據創世記2章,神創造婚姻是為了我們的益處。因為神造了它,所以我們可以與另外一個人一起經歷人生。在婚姻中,夫妻二人成為一體,這一體包括很多方面:身體上(通過性關係)、情感上,經濟上、靈性上......不論是不是基督徒,人類都渴望在世界上有一種親密的關係。我從來沒有見過在婚禮上,夫妻站在牧師的面前的态度是:我希望这婚姻关系弄不好。不,他們渴望有一個人一起分享生活。當時耶穌關於婚姻的教導讓祂的門徒很震驚。他們對耶穌說:"如果你說的是真的,那大家最好不要結婚(馬太福音 19:10)!"我想多數人對當時耶穌給門徒的教導依然很震驚。今天,像往常在LAC所做的一樣,我們會讀到耶穌有關婚姻和離婚的教導,我們也會問:"耶穌的方式會比我們自己的方式更好嗎?"
在公共場合談論這個話題不是件容易的事,尤其是時間又很短。我先說一下:如果我不會(不能)解決你的每一個有關婚姻和離婚的問題,請不要失望。我知道在婚姻和離婚的話題中有太多的痛苦和情感問題,也許你認為,牧師只能在小組或者研討會上去處理這種問題,那時我們才有機會來諮詢具體事情,關於離婚的各種問題最好單獨解決。但是,我想我們也需要從講壇上聽聽神是如何看待婚姻的。耶穌談到了這個問題,所以我們也不能視而不見。我們將快速地看一下,當耶穌在某一天被問到婚姻問題時,祂是如何說的:
#1: 試探 (10:2)
在今天,離婚是指通過法庭上的判決來合法地結束婚姻。在耶穌時代,離婚是一種自主行為,就是由丈夫休妻。在猶太人當中,離婚是很普通的,在希臘人和羅馬人當中也是如此。請注意幾件事:
第一,在這裡我們從耶穌口中所聽到的話,不是講給一個剛剛被丈夫拋棄的婦人,而是為了回答一個充滿敵意的質詢。馬可福音第10章裡所記載的是耶穌在猶大境內的事情,耶路撒冷就在猶大境內,當時耶穌已經快要上十字架。在這個時候,法利賽人正在設計陷害耶穌。因此,耶穌沒有直接回答這些困擾我們的婚姻問題。祂正在回應一個險惡的個人攻擊。事實是耶穌正在遭受一群人的攻擊,這些人正在把耶穌逼向角落。我想知道:假如面對一個剛剛被丈夫寫了休書從家裡跑出來的婦人,耶穌將說些什麼?我相信將會有很不相同的討論。
第二,試探的問題來自申命記24:1-4,對於陷入困境的婚姻,摩西寫到,如果是因為犯姦淫的緣故,一個人可以寫休書。但是,對於什麼是"犯姦淫", 幾個世紀以來有很大的爭論。在猶太法典的第一部分,有猶太拉比關於摩西五經的長篇注釋。其中, Shamma的教導指出:"一個人不可和妻子離婚,除非他發現她有通姦行為......"Hillel的教導中說丈夫可以離婚,即使妻子只是做壞了一頓飯......拉比Akiba則說只要丈夫發現更合適的就可以離婚......因此,所有人都同意因為通姦可以終止婚姻關係,可以離婚和再婚。但是大多數教師似乎都認為,男人可以用幾乎任何理由而與妻子離婚。
因此,在耶穌時代,有兩種方式可以應用摩西的教導,也就是:1)那些認為只有通姦可以終止婚姻的;2)那些認為只要妻子讓他不高興就可以終止婚姻的。這與我作為牧師日常所處理的事情有些相似。通常,那些來自具有較重恥文化國家的人認為,無論發生了什麼,男人和女人應該永遠在一起,即使存在身體和情感上的虐待。這種關係可能包含恐嚇、不尊重、不忠誠,但是,對他們而言,慣例是很重要的。羞恥感可以讓一個人避談婚姻中的掙扎。就像我們看到的一樣,耶穌說這不是神起初創造婚姻的目的。
但是,更寬容的觀點,就是耶穌時代多數人的觀點堅持認為,神造人是為了讓人快樂。因此,若一個女人讓男人感到難受或者對男人不再有吸引力,這個男人就可以拋棄她。這群人所問的問題,是自從罪進入世界以後每個男人一直在問的問題。也就是,"我們能得进多少可以开溜?多遠才算是過了頭?神乃是要我過得開心,不是嗎"耶穌將指出,這些自私的視角,使人離開婚姻,這也不是婚姻的目的。當問這種問題的時候,我們對另一個人實際上并沒有委身。
因此,法利賽人的這種試探是想把耶穌置於困境。假如祂保持一種保守的觀點,這些人會說人們將會被沒有尊嚴、不滿意的婚姻所束縛。但是,如果耶穌持更寬容的觀點,保守的人將會責備祂是自由主義。我想補充一點,在馬可福音第6章中,施洗約翰因為在這個問題上的堅定立場而被殺頭。所以,法利賽人希望發生在施洗約翰身上的事情,也發生在耶穌身上。至少,可以在眾多聽者當中製造分裂。
底線:法利賽人認為耶穌是無法闖過這個試探的。耶穌如果持保守觀點,認為像希律那樣的離婚是非法的,祂就會陷入困境;假如祂同意男人可以基於任何理由拋棄女人,就會引起保守派的對峙。
#2: 教導 (10:3-9)
第二節中法利賽人的問題,僅僅是關於什麼才是合法的。他們想知道神想讓我們合法地得到什麼。但是,耶穌不想讓我們思考通過法律方面可以得到的關係。祂想讓我們去思考神為什麼創造這些關係。好的關係可以讓我們享受人生。好的婚姻關係可以反映出在這個世界上我們與神的聯合,以及我們對神的信心。一個好的關係可以促進我們的成長和發展。因此,耶穌在做我們今天想做的事,也就是說,祂將我們帶回神創造婚姻的起初目的。詢問的人只是想知道他們如何能合法地擺脫婚姻。但是,耶穌拒絕認為各種理由的離婚是可接受的。取而代之的是,祂在談論為什麼神在祂的世界中創造婚姻。耶穌的教導將他們和我們帶回到神創造婚姻的目的之中。請讀6-9節。
神為什麼創造婚姻?
- 二人成為一體反映了神的三位一體的統一。以弗所書第5章指出,在這個破碎的世界中,有兩件事可以反映我們與神的聯合以及對神的信心:1)一個統一的、持久的本地教會,這個教會是由各種人組成的,就像猶太人和外邦人;2)男人和女人保持關係穩定的婚姻。
- 共同生活的禮物。神讓二人成為一體,不是成為某些法規。神創造男與女,神把他們連在一起。就像我們的婚禮誓詞那樣:"神所連接的,沒有任何人、任何事可以使之分開。"這種聯合不是簡單法律上的結合,這是多方位的聯合——情感的、性關係的、經濟上的、家族上的。當關係開始成長,它是那麼的美好。你知道傳道書4:9-12的經文嗎?兩個人總比一個人好,因為二人勞碌同得美好的果效。若是跌倒,這人可以扶起他的同伴;若是孤身跌倒,沒有別人扶起他來,這人就有禍了。再者,二人同睡就都暖和,一人獨睡怎能暖和呢?有人攻勝孤身一人,若有二人便能敵擋他;三股合成的繩子不容易折斷。
- 將人帶到耶穌面前的人的中心位置—你會看見經文馬上轉入有關孩子來到耶穌面前的討論。 (13-16節)。當夫妻們將神放在婚姻的中心、並效仿耶穌相互敬愛,孩子們也將以他們為榜樣、並被帶到耶穌面前。在聖經中多處明白地寫著,尤其是瑪拉基書2:15:雖然神有靈的餘力能造多人,祂不是單造一人嗎?為何只造一人呢?乃是祂願人得虔誠的後裔。所以當謹守你們的心,誰也不可以詭詐待幼年的妻。
那麼,如果說婚姻是如此美好,乃是神在這個世界的一個藍圖,那麼為什麼申命記24章中提到休書。我是這麼來讀這段話,耶穌之所以"受"(允許)世上一些事乃是為了避免更壞的事情的發生。 在聖經時代,如果一個婦人被趕出家門,她只有三種選擇:乞討、 為妓或自殺。獨身在大多古代社會不是一個選擇,除了家庭以外,社會無法提供她們可以自食其力的可能。非洲聖經注釋指出在許多部落族社區,現今仍然如此。神愛世人,雖然祂恨惡破裂的關係以至離婚,人若是如此的自私、心硬、對自己人不忠、冷酷,要知道神在乎那些因世上的罪而受苦的人,為她們提供一條出路。在這樣情形下,就是一紙離婚休書。
在聖經時代,休書意味著人可以再婚。休書上的字包括:"其他男人可以再娶這婦人。"在耶穌時代 一個從婚姻家庭中被踢出去的婦人需要一紙休書,這是耶穌在10-12節中說人若是不是因為婚姻不忠的關係而離棄另娶乃是辜負女人,迫使人犯淫的基礎。然而,神深知人類的罪性,許多人不能委身婚姻的承諾,因此他允許申命記24章的 休書。人在許多生命的領域用諸多的方式虧欠神的榮耀,在今天也是一樣,神仍舊在我們身上工作。但是我們跟隨耶穌,當尋求過榮耀神的生活方式。也就是說要在婚姻的關係上反映神的合一和忠心。
我要加上Tim Keller 精彩的一段話:多年後,若有人看見最差勁的你,也深知道你的優點和缺點,仍然對你全身心的委身自己,這是一段完善的經歷。被愛著卻不被理解雖然安慰人,但是有流於表淺。被了解卻不愛是人最大的恐懼。但被深知和真愛著,更像被神所愛,是我們深深所需勝過一切的愛。這愛使我們從偽裝中得自由釋放,脫離自義而謙卑,在生活種種風浪中讓我們更加強大。
神說婚姻是為了我們的益處。耶穌說祂要我們的婚姻越來越合一,體現祂的榮耀。第一步驟-從順服基督而來-如果你有一個婚姻,更新你的誓約。 只要是取決於你,重新委身建立一個信實真愛充滿的婚姻。怎麼做?我想從奉獻自己成為一個可以"調整的人"開始。這個關係最關鍵的字是在腓立比書 2:3節 -不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀,只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。各人不要當顧自己的事,也要顧別人的事。
真誠誠實的關係總是會造就我們的生活。 這也是聖經許多教導奠定其他一切關係的原則。如果我們在關係中期待對方做全部的調整,會發現這樣的關係,好的說來是關係膚淺,壞的說來是極具破壞性。
基督福音的好消息在於神選擇進入我們的生活,和我們這樣的人建立關係。然而,為了這樣關係的發生,耶穌本有神的形象,調整祂自己來俯就我們。 耶穌"祂不以自己於神同等為強奪的;反倒虛己,取了僕人的形象,成為人的樣式。
今天,我們看到聖經教導我們,神使用人際關係來幫助我們完善自我。耶穌在這裡提到的人際關係指的是最持久,最親密的,最能改變人與人之間關係的婚姻。任何一個持久而且成長的婚姻都牽涉到兩個人不斷地適應對方。那就需要雙方的相互服從。我們必須有意識地允許我們的生活被對方塑造並適從配偶的方式。
比如說,我喜歡看與運動有關的節目。而Chris喜歡看Downton Abbey。有時,我看球賽時,她看Downton Abbey。但是,有時候,她會和我一起看球賽。至少,我開始知道Downton Abbey中的Matthew和Mary是誰了。如果Chris和我不做相互的調整來適應對方,我們就會在不同的房間看各自喜歡的節目。那種狀況的背後存在的是更大的婚姻問題。
所以,我希望你們一起培養共同的興趣愛好。有時一起去聽聽佈道會,一起吃飯,一起探討佈道會的內容。當你感覺你們有之間有距離的時候,一起盡快地面對問題。
- 我希望我們能夠給新的一代看見一個充滿良善,美麗和有意義的婚姻。
有許多年輕的教友可能從來沒有聽所過,神所意旨的婚姻是持久而美好的。離婚撕裂了神要我們在一起的美意。 Chris和我已經結婚37年了。我想我做好了再一個37年的準備。以前,Chris有時會來我任主席的大學,然後一起在附近的餐館里共享午餐。我們那時在餐館遇到了一對剛新婚不久的服務生。有一次,等所有的客人都走了後,他們過來坐下和我們聊天。他們說,"我們兩個人的父母都離婚了,而且都是那種不歡而散的離婚。實際上,我們周圍的親戚沒有一對是還結著婚的,都離了。但是,我們內心知道,擁有一個持久的婚姻是再好不過的。我們從來沒有見過持久的婚姻。但是我們在你們身上看見,我們想擁有像你們一樣的婚姻。"讓我們告訴你,Chris和我的婚姻還需要成長。但是,讓我們用我們的生命和話語向這個破碎的世界宣告,在耶穌基督的幫助下,婚姻可以持久,婚姻是美好的。
我們必須做像耶穌所做的,將婚姻從世俗的政治和人權爭議中分別出來,並將焦點集中在我們慈愛的神對祂所愛的世界的心意。建立在委身基督的基礎上,婚姻有力量來幫助你成就並完善生命。如果你的婚姻是健全的,即使你的生活裡有很多煩惱和疲憊,你都不會被擊倒,你會有力量面對世界。 - 讓我們的教會成為一個有恩慈和醫治破碎的地方-包括婚姻
我們必須為這樣一個充滿破碎人際關係的世界感到痛心。並將醫治的大能交託在神的手裡,讓教會的大家庭幫助我們。許多有關於婚姻和離異的問題,因為隱私的緣故不能在這裡與大家在佈道會中分享。我相信在信息之後你有許多問題想要問。但是, 雖然我不能在這裡一一解答,但我們可以在小組分享的時候幫助你們。你應該找一個屬靈的小組。在那裡,我們可以用神的話作為指引,一起禱告,一起分享我們在生活裡的掙扎。沒有人能夠抹去過去所發生的事。但是,神清楚我們的過去,並給我們準備將來的供應。當我們意識到我們在神所意旨的人際關係裡有虧欠時,我們應該和我們的教會家庭一起來尋求下一步我們該做的最好方法。在一世紀時,有兩件事將教會和那個時代區分開來:1)在充滿離異的社會中力求建立一個持久的婚姻。 2)關愛窮人。就像Roy Clements所說的,早期教會與當時所處的人文比較起來有著顯著的不同,是在於:無神論的社會對金錢極其小氣,卻大方地放縱肉體。無神論者不將金錢給予任何人,而將軀體給了幾乎所有的人。但是基督徒來了,將肉體幾乎不給任何人,而將金錢給予幾乎所有的人。
所以,當我們手裡有基督的教導,心裡有對耶穌的禱告,耳聽充滿恩慈人的忠告,我們就可以體驗到神的赦免,修復,指引,直到所有的人際關係都擺對了。下面讓我們來共領圣餐...
祂的荣耀,
格雷格Waybright博士
主任牧師
Greg Waybright • Copyright 2013, Lake Avenue Church