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LAC Families-
“Hey Dad, can I have some money to…” This all too familiar phrase is followed by yes, no, or ask your mom to Venmo you. It all depends on the state of our capital at the time. Just like with money, our kids are looking to us in times of need, but we have to have demonstrated that we have the capital that they need. I have this book in my office that talks about relational capital as the convergence of credibility, integrity, and authenticity. Though that may be true for business relationships, in terms of parenting and faith formation, I tend to talk about the convergence of Trust, Communication, and Warmth or Closeness.
But I wanted to talk a bit about how to develop that. In economic terms, our capital is developed through currency. That currency may be cash, property, jewelry, etc. The same is true when we talk about the currency of parenting and faith formation. Here are 6 forms of currency that Kristen Ivy of Orange talks about in the book Playing for Keeps.
Time – There is no such thing as instant currency. My dad would say that money doesn’t grow on trees. As parents we have to take the time to invest in our kids in particular and repetitive ways. That means dropping what you are doing and being present in moments that our kids are engaging with us. When we consistently spend time with y=our kids, they will trust that we are there for them.
Love – I know that you love your kids. But when did you do something intentional to let them know that they are loved and seen? Just because you got them that gift on their last birthday or watched their favorite movie doesn’t mean that they feel loved. You may have to do some investigating and ask the question, “What do we/I do that makes you feel most loved?” You may even need to take a look at The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman to help you be intentional.
Words – “If you want your kids to know they matter, then it matters what words you use when you talk to them and about them.” Our kids fight social anxieties and pressures and at times feel insignificant, lack of value and not unique. Your words over the long haul are going to communicate more effectively than the culture ever could.
Stories – Stories shape so much of our world. They convey what is possible and what is true. Most importantly when have you shared the stories of your growing up, your faith journey, your mistakes, the victories that have come in your life because of Jesus. Stories shared in authentic moments where you want to share in a, “Did I ever tell you about the time…” way and not in a, “Back in my day…” kind of way.
Tribes – It is well known that our kids need a community that surrounds them and encourages them. In order to have that tribe you have to be intentional about the people that your kid is surrounded by. I have mentioned this before and it bears repeating, launching your kids into a lifelong journey of faith requires a few adults to remind your kid that they belong and to help them along the way.
Fun – you have an opportunity with your kids to let them know that life is fun. What normal everyday activity can you create a game out of and create memories that remind them that life is to be enjoyed. When you allow yourself the opportunity to loosen up, be vulnerable and have fun, you give your kids the permission to do so as well.
When you engage these things over time you increase Trust, Communication, and Closeness or Warmth in your family and relationships. Through that relational capital you can weather the storms and praise God in the Celebrations.
Blessings,
Chuck Hunt
Associate Pastor of Family Ministries
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